and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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