so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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