In the future we'll all be gay
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
