U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
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