think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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