I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
