We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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