I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
