u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
