thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize