Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Randomize
