I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Randomize
