You work out of a Hotel?
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize
