I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
