I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize
