Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
Randomize
