I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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