My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Randomize
