remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Randomize
