those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
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