Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize