That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Randomize
