His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Randomize
