on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
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