guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
