So its not gay if you have sex with another woman and its academic
so what if I'm having sex with a woman for recreation?
Thats gay
Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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