I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
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