dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
