How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
I just gargled with NyQuil
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize