Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Randomize
