shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Randomize
