Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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