You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
