so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
Randomize
