I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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