mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Randomize
