i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
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