last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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