Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Randomize
