Christians are straight up FREAKS
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
