the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
