Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Randomize
