smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
