I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize
