she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
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