the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Randomize
