Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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