what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
