why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
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