so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
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