it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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