apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Randomize
