dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize