you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Randomize
