atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
FIrst one done
How did it go?
I dunno I taled about women being treated wrong and quoted Ice T. So probably a "c"
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Randomize
