No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
