I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
