I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
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