Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Randomize
