You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
