youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize
