I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
