Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
