Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
