ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
I need a burrito and a hug.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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