I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
only if we run a train.
done.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
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