im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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