I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
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