Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
This baby is an asshole
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
I got inside last night via doggy door
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
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