he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
