I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
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