Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
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