He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Randomize
