you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
