Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
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