No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
