you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
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