if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
Randomize
