i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
I lost the right to judge tonight
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Randomize