I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
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