I skipped work to stalk him.
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize