She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Randomize
