I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
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