I murdered the dance floor call the cops
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
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