Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
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