I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Randomize
