Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
My ass is underappreciated
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
