I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
