i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
