I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
I will pee on everything he values.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
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