I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
Randomize
