the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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