Is it normal to miss your booty call?
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
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