I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
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