I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
