Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
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