I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize
