3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
