My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize