My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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