I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
