Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
Randomize
