If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
I feel like abortions should bother me more
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Randomize
