So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
