Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
lets start a swedish sibling band together
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
