after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
