definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
