No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
Randomize
