girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
