He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
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