I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
