We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
All the doctor said was why
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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