I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Randomize
