what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
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