Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
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