The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Randomize