Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
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