I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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