Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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