he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Randomize
